While standing on the balcony of a beach front vacation home overlooking the blue green Pacific Ocean, a whole slew of thoughts clouded my mind. I could see a boat or a cruise, not really sure what it was, far into the ocean where the water and the sky congregated to form a mist with a fine line. What if I am in the boat, stranded all by myself? The thought of it was so terrifying that I immediately looked away from the boat (let’s just assume it was a boat) but what if?
I have heard stories where fishermen have gone missing or got stranded in the middle of the ocean accidentally, some made it to the shore with god’s grace while some lost their way. What were they feeling, were they frightened, helpless or something else?
Being away from home in a different country, thousand of miles apart, not being able to see my parents, friends is hard. I closed my eyes, I could see them smile, laugh and dialing my number to call me. But I was not there, I was in the ocean, with no internet and no connection. They were frantically trying to reach me, trying to locate my last position, reaching out to different people I work with or new friends I made in this country. I wanted to touch them too, I wanted to hug them tight and tell them how much I love them, miss them and how badly I wanted to resolve all the differences I had with them. Just one last time, see their face, feel the warmth of their touch. My life was then floating, my body slowing gave to the rhythm of the waves. All I could do was shout and cry helplessly, wishing somebody would see me and take me back home. I thought- Why did I come so far, why did I leave everything behind when all I had was just perfect? I was happy, I actually was.
At that moment, not for a split second did it cross my mind -that how much money I saved, what my job is or if I want to be a CEO. All I wanted was to just survive and be with my loved ones. I got goosebumps; the cold air was so harsh to my bare skin; I could barely stand. Last night I had a fight with my mom, which at that moment I realized was so trivial, “how can I call her and tell her I am sorry and that I love her. Will my nephew, the love of life, miss me if I am gone. I know he will, of course he will” but at that moment all I needed was to get in touch with them and let them know that if I survive, I will make all things right.
But what if something worse had happened that side and they couldn’t inform me because I was so busy planning my backpacking trip. Boom!!! I opened my eyes hastily, and I looked around. I was still standing on the balcony, but the boat had left.
I thought-What am I doing ??Am I going to wait for something bad like this to happen to realize what I have and stop running after materialistic attachments of life. I ran downstairs, as fast as I could, picked up my phone and dialed the number.
Hello? — on the other side.
Mom, are you okay? How’s dad? how’s everyone there? — I was super scared.
All well, dear? what’s up? — Mom confused as to what might have happened.
A deep relief, thank goodness, all’s well, I thought. I could feel the warm tears that rolled down my eyes.
Hello? are you there? Can you hear me? — Mom again.
Yes, mom. I can hear you. (And I finally said those words that I should have said long time back), I am sorry for every time I made you worry, Mom, I love you and coming back home. Tears by then had made their way to my shirt through my cheeks.